


Anxious Musings

by LudoScared



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:39:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23126410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LudoScared/pseuds/LudoScared
Summary: Just needed to get somethings off my chest
Comments: 2





	1. Chapter 1

There's excitement in the air as the time draws near. I can't sleep, my stomach is knots just thinking about what is to come. I can't wait!

But then, the demons creep in. Those old acquaintances that whisper in my ear "What if?" Is the ghost about to appear, leaving me with nothing more than gossamer visions? Will it all be for nothing? Tell me now, I'd rather go in with eyes wide open, rather than find out after the fact. It wouldn't be the first time.

I'm a big girl, I can take it, I need the truth, not what you think I need to hear. Don't whisper sweet nothings in my ear until you tell me true. Are there others? Am I alone? Will this be another one of those things that I should have seen coming?

How can I be doing this? I should know better, yet here I am, the rabbit hole beckons and I answer the call. I know what lies at the bottom, but the need to see it is too strong to ignore. What is wrong with me? The pain calls out, begging to be felt, even though it is unnecessary, and of my own making. I deserve it, though, for I am not worthy, not good enough for anything but a quick use, to then be discarded like a cigarette butt. Do with me what you will, just tell me before you begin, so that I may harden my heart to keep it from breaking.


	2. Chapter 2

What the fuck am i doing? Never had a crash like this before. Alone here, it hurts somethin fierce, don't know what to do with myself. Mouth is dry, need to talk but you aren't there, is this all a lie? Nothin but a ruse, a lie to get what you want? If it is then tell me true, i can handle that if you tell me. Don't string me along. I can handle a good time, I can't handle deceit.


	3. Chapter 3

[3 Libras](https://youtu.be/I1Fuf62rNfo)

Story of my life. What more is there to say? This is the first time I don't feel unseen, but is it too late? Where were you all those years ago? Now I fear I am trapped, and I don't know if you can save me. I want you to, need you to, but these chains hold fast, and can never be broken.

How I ache for you. How can I move past this, when I want to stay put, here with you, while the world spins unnoticed?


	4. Chapter 4

How am I supposed to do this? I'm desperate, unsure how to go on, waiting in the wings. Have you forgotten me? You say this is where you want to be, but from here your efforts seem paltry. I don't know what's going on on your side of things, I will try to give you the benefit of the doubt. If only I could talk to you, hear your voice, ask you all the questions swirling in my head. How is it you make me feel this way? I can't stop it, and I don't want to. 


	5. Chapter 5

Hooo, this is gonna be rough. I'm about to upend my entire life. This couldn't have come at a worse time. How am I gonna do this, get through it? What about everyone else? But it needs to be done. I can't live this way anymore. Time to get what I need together. I can do this. I need to do this.


	6. Heaven!

What a night! You sent me to heaven and back, catching me in your arms as I fell back to earth. It was more than I ever could have hoped for. Your touch on my skin, your lips on mine, I can still smell you on my skin. My muscles ache, I can still feel your teeth in the back of my neck, and I savor every second. Until next time.


End file.
